How I Talk to My Own Children About Their Bodies - As a Pelvic Health Physical Therapist

My husband, Jake, and I have three boys. Our oldest is just a year and a half older than his twin brothers. As I’m sure you can imagine, as a result of having 3 boys so close in age, our life is rarely dull.

We’ve tried to be conscious and forward-thinking when it comes to how we talk to the boys about their bodies and about our own bodies.

We’ve been lucky enough to also be surrounded by others that have helped shape how and what we say to the kids. For example, it was our pediatrician who suggested that we start talking to our son about puberty at the age of 9. (I definitely had an interesting face when she told me that!) I took an extra class at the local college before PT school that really helped me understand some of the norms around puberty and where we can do better. We’ve also been blessed with parents that didn’t shy away from awkward conversations.

Now, I am by no means saying that this is what you should say to your kids. And I am definitely not a parenting expert. But I do know that every parent has a unique relationship with their child. And every kid is different. And honestly, every adult is different. And that’s ok. I’m simply writing this down because in listening to others, taking some things and leaving others, was how Jake and I decided to talk to our kids.

1. We use Correct Anatomical Words for Body Parts

We use the word penis regularly in our home. The kids usually have a good laugh when the word is said.

I’m not going to lie to you, it was a little awkward when we started talking about vaginas (vagina/vulva - either term works). My kids had started being really interested in watching animals while driving around. I remember being in the car, passing a dog and one of them says something along the lines of “that dog pooped out a puppy”. And they kept saying it! So I blurted out, “You don’t poop out babies”. Haha. And from there came all the questions.

The point is…we use the correct anatomical terms. The conversations around these terms are sometimes funny, or awkward, or whatever…but they’re real conversations. And in my mind, the more we talk about them (not forcing it by any means), the more it’s no big deal.

2. Puberty is an ongoing conversation

When I first spoke with my oldest about puberty, he was 9 at the time. I kept it pretty generic to be honest. But it opened a door in my opinion. As he’s gotten older and kids have said things at school, he has asked me what different things mean. And that has led to more in-depth conversations.

I also tell my boys exactly what is going to happen to their bodies…so they know it’s NORMAL. Obviously we’ve talked about underarm hair and wearing extra deodorant. But we’ve also talked about nighttime emissions. I don’t want them freaking out if that happens. Why should they? It’s a normal part of them growing up. And I want them to know it’s no big deal.

If I had a daughter, we would be talking about periods, pads, tampons, period underwear, PMS, etc. You name it and I would talk to them about it.

3. We are mindful of how we talk about our own bodies

I remember the first time my kids used the term “fat”. I just about had a heart attack. Lol kidding. But seriously, it took me by surprise because we try not to use words like that.

The focus in our house is simple. **We want to have strong and healthy bodies**. No food is off limits. But we know what foods are healthier and try and eat more of that. We exercise and our kids see us exercise. They have gotten more into exercise as well.

As the female of the house, I openly talk about my body. If I’m having period cramps, the boys might ask me why. And I tell them exactly the reason behind period cramps. I’m not bringing these things up every day by any means. I try to make the conversation as organic as possible. In my mind, I’m preparing them for when they have a spouse or any relationship with the opposite gender. I want them to be understanding and sympathetic.

4. We talk about sex.

Talking about sex is an ongoing conversation. Similar to the talk about puberty, it starts off pretty generic and is always age-appropriate.

Our conversations with each kid can look a little different too. Two of our boys have lots of questions for us and one of them doesn’t. That’s ok. The door to that conversation is always open.

Consent matters. Yes, we talk about this. We talk about it for their own bodies and for the bodies of others.

Sex is not a bad thing. But it is also not something we take lightly.

In Summary

We are not parenting experts. We have messed up. We’re human. But as parents, keeping the door open to conversations regarding our bodies is important in my mind.

And we don’t always have the answers. There have been a few times where I’ve said, “I don’t know, I’ll have to think about that question”. And they usually accept that for the time being.

I’ve also told our children to be careful how they talk around other kids. While our family is pretty open, others might not be for various reasons. And we need to respect that.

Let’s help our children understand, accept, love, and respect their bodies. And the bodies of others.